Yellow Duct Tape of Glee
By Alex Jones


There I was, creating a Hell with yellow duct tape of glee! Over my winter
break I, the Atheist God, was pressured, by a god not worth mentioning, into
raising an eternal prison for people who don’t follow my dogma and I. This
Hell was to be the best Hell, and all whom sin shall now go there!
Wondering the freezing wasteland that is my room I found all the supplies I
needed. Most importantly, I found the yellow duct tape of glee.

This yellow duct tape of glee was all yellow, except the sticky side. The
yellow duct tape of glee was so sticky and yellow it brought me much joy.
In a place as depressing as Hell, and as cold as my room, you need much joy.
My Hell found the metaphorical glue that shall bind it. Those who see my
Hell shall receive much joy, and those who are in it will never again see
the yellow duct tape of glee!

There, I had it, a foundation of which I could start my Hell. I would show
that god not worth mentioning! My Hell, being the best, would be home to
the perfect punishments to those immoral sinners. With this Hell that god
not worth mentioning would have to give me an “A”, so to speak.
Enclosed within the first section of my Hell were to be the neutralists and
do-nothings. For their punishments I took a room of white and painted, with
the blood of those souls, a picture to commemorate them. Winds shall
forever wear and weather at these pictures. As for the souls themselves,
nothing. They are reduced to nothing. The only thing that remains of these
souls who refused to side, or just did nothing period, is nothing more than
a bloodied picture wearing and weathering away to nothing. Finally, in the
center of this section there lies a bloodied hole. This bloody hole leads
to the second section of my Hell.

For this section of Hell, my second, I chose to have the sinners worthy of
treachery of kith and kin to be eternally punished by snakes. Snakes are
creatures of treachery so I figure treachery of kith and kin would be a good
place to put these semi-demonic creatures. Also, I don’t like snakes so
they can all just go the Hell. Those snakes forever bite and ravage the
souls who enter. Each soul punished according to their sin, all, however,
must wallow in the mud. Some being chased, some being bitten and ripped
apart, all must slip and slide in this, my second section of Hell!

This brings me to my third and last section of Hell. Enclosed are those
who committed the very worst of all sins and crimes. They are the ones who
should sail time its very self! They are the time travelers. There is no
entrance to this section, nor is there an exit. For the very second someone
crosses that barrier of time-space, they are thrust into this place of
perpetual pain. Their punishment is to see the very life they left, the
good, the bad, and all the stuff in-between. They know that that life they
tried to leave will never again be there’s. They watch what they had done
and cry tears of red, red blood. So I finished this section and realized
that something was missing! I still had more to do before I could yet
consider my Hell complete.

That missing thing so happened to be a gate. Yes, I forgot my gate of
Hell! OK! I’ve been the Atheist God for less than a year I am entitled to
a few mistakes! So, quickly I fixed this dilemma. Using the yellow duct
tape of glee I bound a gate on top of my first section of Hell!

So, in the end I created my Hell that the god not worth mentioning
pressured me into creating. It is a great Hell; it is a grand Hell. Hell
it is my Hell! Such a luxurious Hell! Such an elite Hell! What more could
I have wanted? It is a Hell with yellow duct tape of glee!